We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
