You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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