so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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