Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
