What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you never un-have a 4some
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
