I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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