and next time when you feel me up, do it right
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
