hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
