whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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