I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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