end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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