Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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