That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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