After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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