someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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