dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
