You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
