She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
