her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
