FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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