Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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