he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
