so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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