I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
