I cut my penus on the lid.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
