Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
