my vag is so smooth its legendary
handjob tips. give me some.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
