K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize