i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Who died my cat blue again?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
