I'm pants shitting drunk right now
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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