Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
