One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
