Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i drank out of a bidet.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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