My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
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I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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