one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My ATM looks so different sober.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
