It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
