the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
