chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
