I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
