you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
