I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
