I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
from now on my penis is your penis
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
