Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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