I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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