The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
