I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
