Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
