Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
