I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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