I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
