we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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