Where is the hickey?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You can't motorboat a personality
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
