my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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