So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
