Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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