Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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