I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
