Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
