Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
