I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
