We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
