I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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