my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
