He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
