Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
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