hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
