Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
