my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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