things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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