if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
