dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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