I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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