WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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