i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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