I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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