Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
