god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
