Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
