You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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