she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
